I used to love boobs. They were always a welcomed surprise when I would catch a glimpse of my wife’s, which usually meant something intriguing might ensue (sorry mom, dad, other family members). Since not only having a baby, but even since my wife was pregnant, these lovely features quickly went from my happy place to a source of anxiety, pain, and functionality. Let me explain a bit more before I get torn apart by you all…
I wake up one morning to my wife putting something into my hand. I look and it’s a pregnancy test that reads positive! I don’t think I have ever been more excited in my life. Quickly after the initial high wore off a bit, my wife started getting all day sickness (yes, not just morning, but morning, mid-morning, afternoon, late afternoon, and evening sick too!), and with that came sore boobs! Even to give her a hug was painful. So now we went from trying to get pregnant, which was extremely fun for obvious reasons, to my wife barely being able to give me a hug without hurting her boobs, wanting to puke, or having such bad heart burn that she couldn’t move to certain positions (and I mean on the couch, get your mind out of the gutter).
To add to the fun, my only interaction with my old friends was when I had my daily dose of rubbing stretch mark cream on them to ensure they bounce right back after birth! This was at her request not mine, I could care less, she’s beautiful with or without stretch marks.
As the pregnancy progressed and my two buddies became engorged, it was time to look into breast pumps. Who knew how many gizmos and gadgets it took to extract milk from my wife! You have the pump, some cords that pull them, the cones that go over it, the filter things, and many more! I had the lovely task of cleaning them when they arrived, which just confused me more.
Well eventually I started getting used to the new norm of my relationship with my wife’s breasts, and just when I did, it was time for the baby! To hear more about the birth experience, check out my other blog post, Delivery Room Dad #ad #selfpromotion. Once the baby came out, feeding was pretty much the first thing they have the mother do with the baby, and let me tell you; you don’t know stressful until your baby has trouble latching on. You have to try all these strange positions to get the baby on, shoving her face right onto it, holding it a certain way to make them latch just right. To make things even more awkward, you have about 30 different nurses helping and playing with your wife’s boobs to get them to latch on. They even have a lactation specialist that comes in (and I thought I was becoming numb to seeing boobs), who was the biggest godsend of them all. Within 2 seconds of her working with my wife, BAM, baby girl was feeding like a champ.
So within the 48 hours of being in the hospital, I saw boobs more often then I had in the past year. I thought that the pain my wife experienced during her pregnancy was bad, but then watching her wince and cry in pain from the initial feedings was something I am so glad is now over. It did take time, however. When we first got home, I turned into a mini lactation specialist attempting to help my wife with all of the maneuvering and acrobatics that make the baby latch on. Luckily I took some mental notes while in the hospital to do so because seriously, there is nothing sadder than listening to your newborn cry from hunger and you can’t get her the food she needs.
After about a month or so, my wife began pumping. Now we have reached the pinnacle of boob transformation. We have not only a new bra situation that has holes to connect to the pump with all these trapped doors in it, we also have this machine that sounds like a duck is being stepped on over and over again that is pulling at my wife’s ladies with milk coming out! Don’t even get me started on when my wife introduced me to this fun little product called the Haakaa. For those who don’t know, its a silicon contraption that goes over the other boob that is not being breastfed on, and it suctions to your skin to collect any leaking milk from the other boob. Best of all, it’s my duty to assist with putting it on. I’ll spare you the details, but just know there is a lot of pinching and suction. This contraption also leaves a good amount of room for my daughter to kick it off, which does happen pretty frequently. It really is a great product though, my wife highly recommends it to all of her friends. Why waste the good stuff?
About 3 weeks ago, my wife started pumping both sides at the same time, but on her first attempt, she couldn’t find the bra needed to hold the pump in place, therefore super dad was to the rescue! I got to spend an entire 30 minutes holding the pumps in place for my wife. I’ll let you use your imagination, but it must of looked hysterical.
Luckily now after 4 months, we have gotten the breastfeeding situation down pat, and I am starting to see my old friends in the light I used to see them in from time to time.
As I always end my blogs with a positive, please know that breastfeeding is really a beautiful thing, and it is definitely very healthy for your baby. I do totally understand people who are unable to breastfeed for various reasons, and I don’t want to start any debate on what is best. Each person has every right to do what they feel is best for their baby. I just want to share my funny experiences with it as a first time dad, and hope some people can relate!